Hello Baby!
How's it going? I am so glad to hear that you are keeping busy serving the people in your area. I know that service sure makes me happy. I bet it is having a similar effect on you…or at least I hope it is.
It has been an extremely difficult week for me. I won't go into details, but it has to do with my clinical instructor. In a lot of ways, she reminds me of "it". There was a big misunderstanding about a medication that I was to give. The dosage kept changing (2 different doctors kept putting it in differently). However, my instructor told me that I was wrong in what I brought to the patient….oh dear, I guess I must tell it. So, my nurse and I were looking at this lady's chart. The nurse told me that I was to give 20 mg of Lasix. I was concerned because she had a low blood pressure. My nurse took the time to explain it to me. So, I went in to the med room and got out 20 mg of Lasix…I was real careful to make sure it was 20mg. Well, when I got into patient's room and scanned it, it said that I was to give 40 mg…ugh…My instructor was furious with me. We went and got another vial to equal the 40 mg. Once again, we went into the room, but this time when we scanned it, it said we only needed 20 mg. I gave the medication and we went out into the hall. I tried to explain to her what happened. She did not want to hear it. In fact she got VERY angry with me. She pulled me into a conference room. Again, I tried to explain it…All I got was her yelling and telling me that I was not taking responsibility for my actions. I ended up in tears and just said "you are right, I am wrong…I am sorry". She told me to go chart and then go down to dinner. While there, she came down and asked how I was doing…obviously, NOT well, since I was still in tears. She said she was going to go eat and we would talk after. I guess she didn't want to wait, so she had me come sit with her. She asked what I wanted to do when I graduate. I told her that eventually I would like to work in hospice. Then she said (remember this is a quote) "Oh good, then no one will know if you make a medication error". I think she realized what she said since I don't have a poker face, and she said "I'm kidding". Well, that did not go over well with me.
I was able to go back on the floor, where the nurse I was working with told me that the medication order was changed 4 times in the short amount of time that I was on the floor. Any explaining pissed off my instructor, so I had to keep my mouth shut. The nurse told me that if I needed, she would back me up (what a sweetheart). Then the charge nurse also came over and told me she would back me up…that is a big deal. However, I still have to pass!
When I left the hospital, I lost it. The tears began to flow. I cried the whole way home. I ended up emailing the Lead instructor…I told her that I was going to quit. I told her what Deb (my clinical instructor) said. I also told her that she has told me that I am not safe and I "scare the hell out of her". I told Randee (the lead instructor) that I did not get into this to hurt people. I also told her that I have major anxieties just going to clinical (something I have not had in the past) and more often than not, I cry on the way home. Life is too short to be miserable!
Randee emailed me back and told me that "quitting was not an option". She arranged to meet with me. Of course, I looked like crap because I cried all night. I even woke up in tears! She did put me on an improvement plan…yep, I'm under contract. Basically, if I screw up again, I could get kicked out. Randee was awesome though…she basically worded it to protect me from Deb. She also told me that I could stay home Tuesday. The only stipulation was that I have to do the simlab in December (twist my arm…I loved doing that).
I have heard rumors that they are going to get rid of Deb at the Bi-mester when we "change classes". That would mean that I only have to deal with her on Monday and then the next week, I would get someone new. I am really praying that it will happen. I am trying not to get my hopes up. I am afraid that I will be crippled with Deb remaining as my clinical instructor. So, You can pray for me (especially that she will be gotten rid of). Oh, also extra prayers are needed for Thursday when I have my final.
Since all of this has happened, I have had difficulty in just sitting down and studying. I am a bit worried that I am getting depressed. I am getting a blessing tonight though. Unfortunately, it doesn't take much to get me in tears! UGH!
GOOD NEWS! We got the cardboard cutout of you. :) Bad news…it made me miss you. :) Tiffany was so excited by it. I admit, it is a bit creepy…lol Tiffany is supposed to send you pictures of it.
Gpa's girlfriend comes on Tuesday. I think they are getting married that day. I'll have to let you know when I know for sure.
Don't worry about me. I will be alright! I probably shouldn't even send this email, but I will anyway.
I need to go help Ryan and Siera finish their invitations! They are late getting them out!
Always remember who you are! Mind your p's and q's. Be strictly obedient! Know that I love you beyond measure!
Love ALWAYS!
Mom
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